Nicaragua

I've sat down to write this post several times, but for some reason, it's never felt quite right. It's been over a month since returning from Nicaragua and my heart is full.

I could tell you all about the heartfelt hugs and sometimes toothless smiles of the people of La Vina Puerta Cabezas as we said goodbye after an evening of singing, teaching, and fellowship. I could tell you about the moment I walked into the baby room of the daycare in Bluefields, twelve pairs of tiny eyes peering curiously out of their cribs. I could tell you of the tears that welled up in my eyes and how my heart felt as though it consumed by entire body and instantly wanted to hold and hug in the moment I witnessed all twelve babies sitting contentedly in their cribs, not getting out except for a meal or diaper change twelve hours a day, five days a week. I could tell you about the child who beamed at me only to scowl with distrust when I pricked his finger for an anemia test, but ceased his tears when I offered him a sticker. I could tell you of the peanut butter sandwiches that could prepared on seemingly any surface -- including but not limited to, beds, cots, and Manaal's lap.

But somehow, as a smile creeps across my face as I muse about the events and details of the trip, I'm reminded of what Luke said about Mary after she had delivered Jesus and the shepherds had come to worship:

"But Mary treasured up all these things in her heart and pondered them." Luke 2:19

In moments when you can't communicate with people, when you can't offer any solution to a mother of a dying child or a man who's lost his livelihood and pride in an injury that's left him unable to work, in moments when you are exhausted just from post-trip recovery... somehow, in those moments, God taught me something big. God taught me to treasure the moments in my heart and ponder what He is doing. In my weakness, he is strong, and in my silence, He works.

So while I've told some stories, shared some moments, and showed some pictures, there's so much treasured up in my heart. God is overwhelmingly faithful. He is working all over the world and I'm so thankful I get to wake up every day and serve Him.

People keep asking me if I'm going back to Nicaragua, if I'm going to start another continuing education program, if I'm going to get married, if I'm going to stay in Boise my whole life... And what I tell them is that God knows. I'd go back to Nicaragua in a heart beat, but I'd also never go back again. I want what God wants from me. I want more of Him, and less of me. God, more of you, less of me.

~Hannah