12 Harmful Lies I Believed Growing Up in the Church

Sunday school, church attendance, VBS, AWANA, Keepers of the Home, Backyard Bible Club, purity conferences, homeschool co-ops... all of these church-y activities were a major part of my growing up years. There are so many positive ways growing up churched influenced my character for the better. And yet, hidden and twisted with the good things were many untrue (if not downright harmful) lies the church told.

Disclaimer: I speak from my own personal experiences growing up in Evangelical "non-denominational" and Bible believing churches. I seek to follow Christ in every area of my life and have a personal relationship with Him and presently am involved in church and Christian activities so I am by no means discounting the Church as a whole. I'm always still growing; these are just things that have recently come to light and been on my heart.

And so,
Lies I Believed Growing Up in the Church: 

1. More rules means more holy. Hypocrisy is what the Church is most often criticized for. It's easy to be hypocritical when you have several dozen extra rules you've made for yourself beyond the scriptures or words of Christ. That's exactly what Jesus called the Pharisees out for -- adding to the Word of God. Jesus told us to love God, love people, and keep His commandments. The difference between a personal conviction ("I prefer not to drink alcohol") and making it a die-hard rule you expect everyone else to follow ("Alcohol is evil and sinful") is one I think much of the Church has missed.
2. There's one right way to do everything. There's a lot in this world we make far too complicated. There's also a lot we over-simplify and in doing so harm others. Certain issues, Biblically speaking, are pretty black and white. Other issues aren't as cut and dry -- how you vote, how you dress, where you go to church -- and while all choices ultimately affect our lives and the person we grow to be, there's not a single correct way to approach every single issue.
3. You just have to work harder to walk in the Spirit and bear fruit.  The Fruit of the Spirit is one of the most popular passages cited across Christianity. Love, joy, peace, etc. sounds good to everyone, right? But the lie I believed was that if you tried a little harder, you could be more loving. If you worked more at it, you could experience joy and peace. But the very point of the fruit of the spirit is that they are of THE SPIRIT, not my own attempts at being a better person. The supernatural self-sacrificial love of Christ flowing out of me is far more powerful than any feeble attempt of mine at affection. What I've learned now is that I need to seek God and His spirit to experience and display these fruit, not pridefully think I can just do a little better.
4. You shouldn't be friends with anyone who is less "holy" than you. There's a verse, "Bad company corrupts good morals," that was wildly taken out of context and misapplied that caused major confusion. While there's truth in the sentiment that you'll become like those you spend time with, this should not mean that we shun anyone with lesser morals than we have. What is that if not pride and judgment? There are certainly people whose choices aren't good influences that you maybe aren't going to become best friends with -- but that is not the same thing as refusing to have a conversation or spend any time with them. The lie I believed was that if I saw someone who wasn't making good choices in their life, I should run the other direction and not speak with them aside from a polite hello if passing in the hallway. Jesus paid the price for all sinners, so who am I to think I'm somehow better than anyone else.
5. Compassion and understanding aren't necessary around sin. Sin offends the holiness of God; that's the truth that was distorted with the sentiments that because X was a sin, all we have to do is label it and move on. She's pregnant and not married -- adultery. Labeled. Done. But did Jesus label and move on? No. Jesus had conversations and meals with sinners, healed their hearts and bodies, and showed compassion. If someone is living in habitual sin, having the compassion to realize the situation they're in is hard (Abstaining from pre-marital sex is hard. Being a teenage mother is hard.) models what Jesus did, not just judging and seeing no need to empathize with their situation. Sin is still sin; but no one benefits when we simply scream something is wrong and run away.
6. You should hold non-believers to the same standards as believers. As a young teenager, I was always shocked when someone used bad language, had sex outside of marriage, or didn't believe abortion was stopping the beating heart of an unborn child. What I realize now is that our friends who don't follow of God and have His Spirit haven't been redeemed from sin. So we cannot expect the same moral obligations from someone who isn't walking in the Spirit. 
7. Faith means you shouldn't have vision for your life. This concept of trusting God and having faith is a good and Biblical one, but the lie I believed stemmed out of the extreme context in which this was taught. I've seen so many friends my age who now have no idea what to do in their life because the mentality that was taught was just to have faith for the moment and not give thought to the future. This is so damaging when we have young adults who have no vision and direction in their life -- especially when it's justified with "faith" and "trusting God," taken wildly out of context. God calls His people to wisdom, to plan the way while the Lord directs the steps, and to seek to further His kingdom.
8. Your body is temporary and unimportant. These bodies we have are not eternal, sure, but the lie I believed was that since they're not eternal, they're not important. Pain? Ignore it. Sickness? Keep silent. But God created our bodies in HIS OWN IMAGE. They can be used to glorify and serve Him. They're important and they're important to take care of. Ignoring pain or illness is not somehow "more holy" and this teaching was so harmful in the lives of many who are dear to me who have chronic illnesses and have been taught that their bodies are not as important as their spirits so they just need more spiritual discipline.
9. Forgiveness is contingent upon your confession. Whenever we'd take communion, we'd be given sometimes up to 10 or 15 minutes to pray silently and confess any sins we'd committed that week as well as pray God would forgive any sins we didn't remember. Confessing our sins and receiving forgiveness from God is indeed good and important, but the lie I believed was that my forgiveness was contingent on my remembering any and all sins I'd committed. But friends, Jesus Christ has already paid for all our sins. He forgives whether I remember or not.
10. Depression and mental illness are just sin. Not only were depression and mental illness dismissed as "faking" but it was taught that they were simply sin clinically disguised. That lie harms our perspective of brothers and sisters struggling with these issues, and invalidates any of our own struggles as well. Scientifically and medically speaking, mental health issues are real (often biological) issues. We don't tell people with a broken arm that they are in sin. In the same way, we cannot tell someone struggling with depression they just need to "snap out of' their sin. We need compassion and willingness to help and serve those struggling. 
11. Modesty means hiding your body. The concept of dressing modestly to respect yourself, respect the body God created, and respect others around you is a good one. But the lie I believed was that I needed to be ashamed of my curves and female body lest it caused a guy to lust after it. God created the female body uniquely and HE put hips, breasts, and curves on women. Feeling shame over a body God gave is just ridiculous. Modesty is not about being ashamed of your body. It's a beautiful way to respect the body God's given you and the other people around you God has also created.
12. All physical contact with the opposite gender is sexual. The lie I believed was that since sex is supposed to be saved, all physical contact can potentially lead to sex and should be avoided. But what I didn't realize is that human contact -- hugs between friends, etc. -- is healthy. The type of touch (a friendly hug vs. a sexual/passionate kiss) was never differentiated and so all physical touch got lumped together as bad. 

I think the biggest thing God's taught me is that HE is enough. Seeking to love Him and love people by keeping His commandments is enough. He doesn't need my rules, my excuses, or my judgments.

I wanted to share these things because I've seen how harmful and pervasive these lies are in the culture in which I grew up. I'm so thankful for God's wisdom that's infinitely perfect and am thankful for the Church that needs to be constantly seeking to walk in His ways, not in tradition or human wisdom. My goal is not to "bash" Christian culture, but rather to share what God's revealed to me about the Bible-coated lies.

I'd love to hear about your experiences and thoughts...